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3.25.2009

Just one more thing to be disgusted by

Vice magazine
In the last half-century, Detroit lost more than half its population. Those leaving the city were mostly white people who fled to the suburbs. As a result, the tax base was destroyed and the black population that remains has had to govern a 139-square-mile city with limited resources.

With an aging infrastructure built for twice the existing population, the school district has to shut down and vacate school buildings every year. In 2007, the school board awarded a contract for securing, cleaning and removing supplies from closed schools to a Philadelphia-based company with ties to school board members. However, the work at many closed schools was simply never done. As with any buildings left unsecured in Detroit, thieves looking for metal immediately broke in to steal copper pipes and other valuables. These “scrappers” are like locusts. In 2008, I went into several schools closed the previous year to find buildings stripped of metal but left with libraries full of books, computer labs upturned, art classrooms full of supplies, and administration offices filled with confidential and sensitive student records.

It goes without saying that the city’s schools are in a bad way. Only recently, a principal at one Detroit public school asked parents to send toilet paper and light bulbs to school with their children because the district could no longer provide those necessities. Most students are not allowed to bring textbooks home, if their school has textbooks at all. The Detroit Public Schools are allotted more tax dollars per pupil than any other district in the state, and yet none of the money actually reaches those students or their teachers. It disappears in a morass of bureaucratic waste and corruption.

People tend to have a visceral reaction to the sight of books piled ten feet high and left to rot in a windowless warehouse or strewn about a classroom floor. They seem to have more sympathy for books than for the children who’ll never have the chance to use them. Half of Detroiters cannot even read. Unemployment is above 20 percent and our streets are filled with hopeless people. When I see schools left like this, I know exactly what waits for many of these kids. I see it every day on the streets.

Snow fills a former school library after vandals broke the floor-to-ceiling windows.
Photo documentation of fight injuries found in the principal’s office. The report in the student’s own handwriting says: “This is what I was at my locker and the 8th Grade Hall and so she came up to me and said you said you ain’t like me I said if I did what you gonna do about it then she hit me…”
A box elder tree grows from a soil made of ash and pulp from science textbooks in the Detroit Public Schools’ Roosevelt Warehouse. A man’s body was discovered in a frozen lift shaft here. It is assumed he had been there for some months as his face had decomposed.
A school cafeteria trashed by vandals with hundreds of Styrofoam food trays (provided by the same school services company that was supposed to secure and remove supplies from this school).
A school computer lab with relatively modern hardware. Thieves have removed any precious metals from the CPUs and monitors, rendering them worthless.

3.24.2009

i don't know what a lobber is

but i think it might be an australian term for someone who takes exctasy. anyway, if anyone wants to know what it's like to go out to a club in my current town, go to this guy's website. it's called lovers and lobbers. then feel sorry for me that i have to deal with these dickheads. i try to avoid these places as much as possible btw. march 14th is a doozie (kinda crude so wouldn't look on the work comp). oh yeah, pill = exctasy, just to clarify 

3.23.2009

The Future of Fashion

Let's cross our fingers that these predictions come true!
courtesy of Vice Magazine

BODY RECORDERS
Remember that Dave Chappelle skit about the “home stenographer”? Well, you’ve got about two more years to enjoy life without one. Two years, according to Moore’s Law, is how long it takes to double the storage capacity of a microchip. According to this schedule, 200 gigs will fit comfortably on a slender iPod by 2011. By 2013, you’ll be able to squeeze this storage capacity into an iPod shuffle, and by 2015 it’ll be something the size of a ladybug. Combine your 200 gigs with a tiny camera and microphone, and you’ve got a wearable recorder that can document your entire life—video and audio—for a week straight. If you dial down the input to nannycam-quality video and audio, you can do a month. It’ll take a while for this new device to go mainstream, and in the interim it’ll get christened with one of those regrettable modern nonwords like “blog,” “sexting,” “splorg,” or “prok.”

Perhaps this doesn’t seem like much of a fashion issue, but consider the evolution of Bluetooth. It took one long weekend in 2005 for the Bluetooth Fairy to sweep the land, depositing chunky little headsets in every third person’s earhole. I don’t know about your neighborhood, but where I live this kind of head bling is as much a fashion statement as fat gold chains or propeller beanies. Likewise, next decade’s personal body recorders will slip into mainstream fashion through the pioneering advocacy of jerks and boors. You think it’s rude having the person behind you at the bank yammering away on their Bluetooth? Try having the person behind you recording everything in his or her line of sight, including your own ass.

This issue—privacy—will dictate design. In just a few years, you’ll be able to walk into any Target in America, plop down $39.95, and walk out with a 200-plus-gig body recorder disguised as a shirt button. But at some point, a well-publicized privacy/security breach (women’s restroom? airport?) will force Congress to mandate some sort of recording signifier, similar to how every cell phone in Japan (allegedly) makes an audible “click” when used for photography. My guess is it’ll be a little red blinking light, kind of like the trashy LED lapel pins now sold at dollar stores. Overnight, everyone will have little blinking red lights on their shirts, hats, and shoes (upskirt videography being only one of many scourges loosed by the new technology).

Here’s how it will play out. You’ll good-naturedly bad-mouth your friend’s new Personal Recorder Information Collection Knickknack right up until the day (in June 2016) when you lose one of your epaulettes. Where is it? Don’t panic. All your friend will have to do is give a simple voice command to the recorder’s search engine, and a chipper little computer voice will tell you that you left your epaulette back at the Applebee’s where you both had lunch two hours ago and would you like it to IM the restaurant manager?

Suddenly these devices won’t seem quite so trashy. Two weeks later, you’ll be a convert, and very soon afterward you’ll forget what the world was like when you couldn’t archive and search every conversation, meal, or trip to Petco. For a while you’ll turn it off when you use the john, but eventually you’ll record everything, just like Saint Peter and Santa Claus. With all these blinking little lights everywhere, it’s going to look a lot like Christmas.

ASSVERTISEMENTS
There can’t be anything shocking about this one. After years of Juicy Couture tracksuit pants and Victoria’s Secret hot pants and countless other ass-writing knockoffs, is it any surprise that advertisers of the near future will view the human caboose as prime commercial real estate? MIT Media Lab has already pioneered something called “flexible display technology” to broadcast video ads on jackets and shirts. Asses are but a short leap away. Plus, there’s a financial incentive to this particular fashion trend. Say you earn four-tenths of a penny for every obnoxious Viagra ad your bum flashes at passing pedestrians. That’s still nearly 50 cents an hour. Do even two hours of walking a day, and you’ve paid half a utility bill every month. Can you and your ass afford not to advertise?

BONUS: The blinking pixels keep your rear warm in cold climates.
DOWNSIDE: You are still very much a creep if you stare at anyone else’s ass ad.

3.22.2009

Hells yeah!

Only four radio shows received this national shout-out.

3.17.2009

3.12.2009

Best Albums of All Time

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

3.11.2009

I MUST HAVE ONE!!!

The New Mix Tape

Alltime favorite albums you say? Impossible.


Click for list official participants & info on joining in! See the playlist above for a taste of what's to come!

As blasphemous as this may be, especially considering the task at hand, I must begin by confessing that I don't really "do" albums. Even in the days of yore, when I actually bought albums, an entire play-through was a rare occurance. I cannot defend this. I know that there are many, many, many, rock-your-world, change-your-life, wet-your-pants wonderful albums out there. All I can tell you is that it is the almighty mix disc that gets my engine purring. The challenge of it, the art of it, thrilling! And kinda hot.

That said, below lies my list of all time fave albums ... for what it's worth.


CHILDHOOD (in order of earliest memory)
Music during this phase of life included heaps of oldies, a bit of classical (that would be the mom's doing), oodles of pop radio, and a generous serving of prog rock.

Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon - I am forever indebted to my step-dad for this one; he was way into the dark, heady stuff.

Motown Record's 25 #1 hits from 25 years - Volume I - This would be my bio-dad's influence; he loved him some oldies ... and Yanni ... and Jesus Christ Superstar. Yikes, I know BUT it's likely the reason I now have such an open mind toward music.

Michael Jackson's Thriller - My first official rock god. How the times have changed.

Madonna's Like a Virgin - Oh how this made me long to be a teen/not a virgin.

Transition (angry with the world phase begins to rear its ugly head)
Guns N' Roses' Use Your Illusion II - First album I bought with my very own, hard-earned allowance. I actually bought Nirvana's Nevermind, Metallica's Black Album, Pearl Jam's Ten, and Red Hot Chili Pepper's Blood Sugar Sex Magik at the same time, but G n' R come out on top.


TEEN-ANGST-HOOD (literally my "hoodiest" phase)
Only rap, hip-hop, and R&B were welcome here. In fact, it got pretty extreme - not long before the transition I was on a heavy diet of Houston's finest - Screw and Watts.

Dr. Dre's The Chronic - Big fan of the chronic. And the album was great too.

Bone Thugs-n-Harmony's E 1999 Eternal - The flows were ill.

Mariah Carey's Music Box - Her self titled album hooked me and then this album came along and delivered (endless hours of boy-centered daydreaming).

Boyz II Men's II - There was once a time when I could not imagine a world without their music.

Transition (because thug life wasn't easy)
Third Eye Blind's Blue - If you went to high school in the late 90s then you know there was no escaping this. Plus, I really wanted to fit in.


ADULTHOOD (also known as, "When am I gonna feel like an adult already??")
Absolutely *anything goes from here on out. Which is why mixes are where it's at! They cover the big ones (a la Dylan), the little ones (remember The Hidden Cameras?), and all those in between (Solomon Burke, Nick Cave, etc.). They span genres, decades, and life phases.
Anywho, as the title of this post indicates, I believe it to be impossible to make a favorite or best list. The albums mentioned up to this point have been included because they shaped me, for better or worse. The albums listed below are simply the ones that somehow someway ended up on repeat and are now forever etched in my mind. They're solid for sure, but not the best.


Modest Mouse's Good News For People Who Love Bad News - For bonding with the homies.

Flaming Lips' Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots - For all-night makeout sessions.

The Beatles' 1967-1970 - For walks around town.

Nick Drake's Pink Moon - For the perfect start to any day.


Obligatory shout-outs
As any fan of Tarantino or Anderson knows, soundtracks can be the shit! So in that vein, a list of the bestest.

Vanilla Sky - This is the one that made me wake up and smell the soundtracks.

Garden State - And this little piggy made many others wake up and smell the soundtracks.

Amelie - Three things going for it -- 1. It is French (judge if you want but I'm sticking to my guns, this country makes my favorite non-english music). 2. Yann Tiersen (he only does EVERYTHING right). 3. The phenomenally beautiful movie to which it is attached.

Dirty Dancing - As a child I remember thinking, "Whoa nelly, music can be sexy."

The Sound of Music - Um, because it's THE SOUND FREAKING OF MUSIC and my heart isn't made of stone!


Honorary mentions
My first mix cd - It had to be said. Yes, mix tapes came first but let's face it, hoping to catch a record-button worthy song on the radio was hit or miss business. And forget about arrangement.

Putamayo Records - International music mixes!? I think so.

Brazos' A City Just as Tall - Absolute favorite local artist.


Post Script: A big thanks to Jessica for inviting me to join in this endeavour and map props to Sarah for being the brain-child.

Check please!

3.10.2009

My Quest for Pain and Glory

Since 2006, I have had a dream. That dream was to eat the newly appointed hottest chile pepper in existence. According to the New Mexico State University Chile Pepper Institute, the Bhut Jolokia, or ghost chili, has been the world record holder since 2006, and is twice the spiciness of a habenero, with 1,041,427 Scoville Heat Units. They are so powerful that they use them to deter rampaging elephants in India. I'll let that sink in while Farmer Digonta Saikia shows a Bhut jolokia or ghost chili from his field in the northeastern Indian state of Assam.


Seeds were avaliable for purchase through the New Mexico State University Chile Pepper Institute, but growing conditions are very precise, and require expensive equipment I do not possess, and even then there is a low rate of germination success. I knew I needed to gain access to this kind of equipment if I was to have any chance at eating the spiciest natural thing known to man. I devised a clever plan to enroll as a graduate student in Australia, studying plants at a botanical laboratory with all sorts of cutting-edge nursery technology and greenhouses and other cool shit. However, when I arrived I was presented with another setback. Australia is a real dick about letting you bring stuff in to their country, most of all seeds. They confiscated my beef jerky and my Ranch dressing on the way in if I didn't tell you before. So importing seeds was out of the question, unless I wanted to get deported or something. I laid low for a while, hoping an opportunity would present itself. Fast forward one year...

I figured that if I couldn't bring the pepper to me, then the only other option would be for me to go to the pepper itself. So I went to India. And it would have worked except Priya thought my idea of going to a rural part of India with no toilets and "radical terrorism" just so I could try a chili pepper was a bad idea. So that didn't work and I returned to Australia a broken man without severely burnt taste buds. 

"Whoops, where'd all the chilis go? I coulda sworn they were at the Taj Mahal."

These past few months I have been in a downward spiral, pretty much hitting rock bottom, as the realization of never accomplishing my dream was eating away at my soul, exactly as how I imagined the ghost chili would eat away at my stomach lining. Then, out of nowhere, a miracle occurred. I had spoken numerous times at work about the fabled chile pepper, and a coworker who attended a chile pepper festival that is held annually in Perth remembered one of my chili speaches. This past Monday, I arrive at work to the news that ghost chili seeds were being sold at this festival, and there is a very small company that sells seeds in very small quantities. And, I was so awesome at conveying the message of how awesome the ghost chili is, that two other coworkers of mine want to go in with me and get ahold of some seeds and grow them. So, pretty soon, I will be the co-owner of 8 Bhut Jolokia seeds, and I will have all the neccessary fancy equipment to grow the plants, plus two helper people. 

I realize that I might be getting a little ahead of myself here, because it's not guaranteed that these seeds will become fully functioning members of plant society. These plants are apparently really fragile and their flowers drop off unexpectedly for no reason and they don't like temperatures below 60 degrees and they need a lot of humidity and they are very susceptible to diseases and it takes over 150 days after germination to get a fruit, but damnit I've come this far and I'm gonna eat this damn thing and live my dream just like all those other guys who live the dream. I'm pretty sure it's going to be the most painful and glorious thing ever. I'll let you know how it goes.




3.04.2009

beer pong gone wrong


Beer pong has gotten some serious air time lately. But not for a good reason... check this out.







Caution:
Pissing in public can put you in jail. Take Leah's advice... KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS.
You know in The Netherlands, they have these high tech sculptures on street corners. Yeah, they look like art but in reality they are urinals. Genius.

Barack Obama is tired of your motherfucking shit!!!

AWESOME