Metaphors

1. His face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thighmaster.

2. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at solar eclipses without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

3. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature prime beef.

4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

5. He was as tall as a six-foot three-inch tree.

6. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

7. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

8. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a supermarkey bag filled with vegetable soup.

9. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

10. Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out too long, and had rusted shut.

11. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

12. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

13. She was as easy as the TV guide crossword.

14. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

15. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.